At the end of June 2013 I was diagnosed with a small lesion on one vocal chord as well as a slow closing chord on top of that. Honestly it wasn’t a huge deal but it definitely affected how I sang and controlled my voice. I worked through it rather than taking a vocal rest – which in hind site was probably the correct course. Vocal therapy, giving up coffee… (that may have been what sucked the most), and limited use when possible. But things progressively got better and toward the end of the year I felt decently comfortable. That’s when the suckage of last year began…
I have never been able to breathe out of my left nostril consistently. I decided after talking it over with my doctor and a few others to have it fixed. They corrected a deviated septum and scrapped down a bone spur in my nose. The decision was made in large part due to our insurance premium being met and it not costing but a pittance out of pocket.
So we did.
I am happy to be able to breathe. In fact for the first week or so I was a little light headed at most times… SO MUCH OXYGEN! But this began a rapid decline in my vocal abilities and it has sucked and it does suck and i want the suck to end….
Since about age 6 I have been identified by my voice. Singing has been who I am. It was effortless. It was easy. It was fun.
Now… it’s work. it’s hard. it’s frustrating. it’s not going well. it’s the exact opposite of everything listed above.
nothing feels right. nothing sounds right to me. nothing is effortless. When I listen back to recordings it’s not what I heard in my head or monitors.
And probably the most frustrating part is when It seems to feel good the video would suggest it doesn’t really sound so good. When it feels wrong and bad to sing… it seems to sound good! UGH!
I knew going in that any surgery to your nose/nasal cavity can change your voice a little. A lot of times you sound richer afterward. I knew there would be a small adjustment going in.
Yes I’m stubborn. it’s been almost a full year of this and I kept thinking I could overcome. Lessons, lots of extra rehearsals, extra exercises, and every sing better product known to man… There’s pushing and pulling while singing… it’s not so much tone that is off it’s control… which leads to pitch… urrrgghhhh.
So here I am broken… with no confidence on the platform that when I open my mouth anything close to what I want will come out. And so starting in a couple weeks (in order to get a few things together and prepared) I am going to do what I should have done in the first place and take 6 weeks of complete vocal rest. Should be fun (My wife is pretty excited…)
I’m scarred; terrified that even after this time I won’t ever come back to a place where it’s just a pure joy to sing. I don’t know what’s next other than trying to shut up.
So here we go. Last year sucked! Here’s to next year.
(side note; not all of last year was so tough… after a little more than 2 years of trying, a surgery, fertility treatments (all of which obviously added to some of the past years rough times) we are expecting our first Baby Girl in April! – 2015 is already looking up)